


feel alright (tomorrow)

by janigkale



Series: ripples [6]
Category: Andi Mack (TV), Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Jason-Centric, Judaism, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 05:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janigkale/pseuds/janigkale
Summary: Jason’s name is hyphenated, his parents are insane, Whizzer and Mendel aren’t helping, and he’s got a feeling about Cyrus Goodman.





	feel alright (tomorrow)

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know how this happened. I just really like Falsettos. Title inspired by _A Day In Falsettoland_ and _Tomorrow Starts Today!_

 

Meeting Cyrus Goodman goes something like this:

 

Cyrus has exactly two friends that Jason knows of: Andi Mack and Buffy Driscoll and neither of them were in his sixth grade class. Jason, being the only kid he knew that well to actually talk to, is the next natural choice. Yeah, they were both Jewish, but that’s a consequence. Technically, they met when they were three, but they haven’t said much since then. And it’s not because Jason doesn't _want_ to - it's just that- why should he? Cyrus has his friends, Jason has - has his screwed up family, so there's really no actual point to trying to play nice. Whatever.

 

Cyrus ends up next to Jason because his last name is _Goodman_ and the first part of Jason’s is _Glazer,_ and he keeps staring at the top of Jason’s looseleaf where his name is. It's hyphenated, only because Mom and Dad had a giant argument about last names and Mendel eventually convinced them that hyphenating was the best idea to keep it in the family. Mom and Dad weren't really that great at deciding things, anyway. Neither was Whizzer, but at least he understood when Jason needed some freaking space and didn't convince him to go to the psychiatrist. At least he had tried.

 

Jeez.

 

Cyrus asks Jason. “What happened to your name?”

 

Jason doesn't want to answer. He does, anyway.

 

“My parents got divorced. My mom got married again.”

 

It's really - my dad has a boyfriend and my mom found out and they split up and my mom went to a shrink, who happened to fall in love with her and whoopee, they're married. But you know. Standards.

 

Cyrus, of course, has probably already heard this from his mom and his bubbeh and every single person in his family already. Word travels on the grapevine. That's how Jason knew Cyrus’ parents got divorced two and a half years ago even before Cyrus came in all mopey after spring break.

 

Cyrus says, “It’s kinda weird having two dads, right?”

 

He says this unconvincingly. See, the thing is, Cyrus and Jason both might have a pair of divorced parents, but Cyrus’ are _functional._ They probably have family potlucks and kick back with beers and reminisce about stories about being young and talk about all their patients because they’re all shrinks. They’re one big happy, stupid family. They work.

 

And then on Jason’s end, there had been arguing about custody and _why isn't Jason making any friends_ and monogamy, which Jason has to look up, plus a bunch of other things that he's pretty sure he's not supposed to know about. _And_ , there's only one shrink in his messed up parentage, who’d barely kept everything together. Maybe after two years, they'd all gotten their stuff together, but Jason’s not completely convinced.

 

And the other thing? See, Mendel might be married to his mom, but calling him dad is like calling apples oranges or something. He's not a bad guy, but he gets nervous at some points and complains to his mom a lot about why the world is the way it is and _where did all the hope go, Trina?_ Jason is pretty sure you only get that curious when you're a psychiatrist, but he's only eleven and a half, so what the hell does he know? He makes his mom happier than he's seen in a long time, and he said Jason could hate his parents when they argued so much that it felt like his head was going to explode. Mendel’s alright.

 

His dad used to be a giant jerk. Sometimes he's still kind of a jerk, but not to Jason. Jason doesn't recall a single happy-ish memory when his mom and dad were actually civil about something, except maybe Aunt Delia and Aunt Lottie’s wedding, where they'd already been a part for a while and could talk without all the tension that came from a marriage and keeping up. Jason knows that it’s been a show all these years. Most of the time, he and Whizzer are still bickering whenever Jason’s there. Jason knows it used to be turned up a lot more, turned up to _full asshole,_ but now it's just banter. And his dad’s a little bit like Mendel in that he seems to be a near-state of nerves, like he’ll explode if something goes wrong. He’s a nervous wreck; they both are.

 

But there's parts of his dad that can only belong to _him_ \- how he pulls Jason in his arms after bad nightmares, the way he's only good at making latkes, how he keeps the tickets from all of Jason’s games, the one time he'd said that he’d never care if Jason was gay or straight or bi or anything at all with complete honesty.

 

For the record, Jason’s straight. 98.9% sure, because you needed to be skeptical about some things. 

 

Whizzer’s the closest thing he can think of to those dads in unfunny sitcoms where they're constantly cracking similarly unfunny jokes, except that Whizzer’s actually pretty funny. He'd taught Jason how to play baseball,  cracked jokes about how he couldn't play chess whenever Jason beat him. Whizzer swears a lot, but he's honest. He's a photographer and darn good at it. He and his dad bicker constantly, but it's a lot more stupid nowadays, like the merit of 90s sitcoms and who’s going to do the shopping.

 

But that's fine. It’s part of love, or whatever. They make up and it's kind of sappy, but Jason prefers sappy any day over _get out_ and _I'm leaving._ Sometimes, Whizzer scares Jason a little with how unafraid he is. Sometimes he's just a lot.

 

He might call Mendel and Whizzer his fathers one day. He's not sure if now is the best time. But only because Cyrus is wrong about two, he says, “I have three.”

 

Cyrus is staring. “What?”

 

Jason’s picked up a few things. So all he does is grin and say, “Why’d you think my dad divorced my mom, Goodman?”

 

Cyrus’ mouth is half open, but he shuts it. “Cool,” he says, stuttering. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

 

For the record, again, Jason likes to think he has a sense about some things. He'd asked Mendel point blank if he'd wanted to date his mom during therapy. He'd somehow got his dad and Whizzer to say stuff that didn't involve arguing and fighting and monogamy. It might be mostly BS, but he’s got a feeling about Cyrus too.

 

He almost feels bad for Cyrus. _Almost_ turns into Jason saying, “Are you trying out for anything?”

 

Cyrus says the chess team but pointedly leaves out anything like baseball and basketball and soccer, and Jason smiles. “Hey, me too. Are you good?”

 

It turns into an agreement to go to Cyrus’ house and have a proper game, which Jason beats him in, but Cyrus is a close second. And then there’s more games, and that arcade, and Jason whining about Cyrus not being able to play baseball and one day Jason’s walking into his dad’s house and asking, “Hey, Dad, can Cyrus come over?”

 

His dad says, “Sure,” working on boring investment stuff, but just as Jason turns to leave, he says, “Wait, _what_? Who?”

 

Jason wants to groan, leave him hanging, but he doesn’t. “You know. Cyrus? Like Cyrus Goodman _?_ He’s Jewish, we’re Jewish, I don’t know…”

 

His dad’s staring at him.

 

“Is… is he your friend?”

 

Jason thinks this through for maybe five seconds. “Yeah. Sure.”

 

His dad stares at him - maybe six months ago, he'd be all up in Jason’s face about “healthy social behaviors” or whatever the crap he thinks, but his face just goes a little soft. It's like the anger has evaporated away from his face, and his mouth tilts into a grin. His dad’s not _angry,_ not that much anymore - and Jason doesn't know if it's because of splitting up with Whizzer caused something to be known- like the sky is clearer, the sun is brighter, and yeah, I'm a terrible person.

 

“That's fine, Jason.” He says.

 

Jason doesn't often hug people at all -  and he wonders if it's because of some fundamental screw up of parenting or it’s maybe because he just doesn't care.

 

He doesn't hug his dad. But Jason grins, warm and feeling kind of dizzy at the way his face hurts at it. It hurts in just the right way.

 

It'll be one more year of the "tight-knit" family - then one day, after some stupid argument about clothes, Whizzer will say something like, "Why don't we just get married, huh?" and his dad will yell "Fine, you _ass!"_

 

Jason will be sitting there and waiting for the other shoe to drop - but this time it doesn't. His dad and Whizzer stare at each for ten seconds before Whizzer's voice cracks and says, "You're paying for the divorce," and they all burst out laughing.

 

They get married on a rainy day, but the whole room is tensed with a strange sort of feeling that Jason only realizes later as love. 

 

Cyrus sits next to him during the after-party, a quiet affair, and the way he looks at Whizzer and his dad is almost - almost wistful with pain. Jason nudges him, says, "You know, my dad didn't come out until he was thirty or something." Cyrus will stare at him and laugh, but it's strangled in that way, strangled like the way people tell lies - too long and too forced. 

 

When Cyrus tells him about Jonah Beck and the tangle of emotions he can't undo, tells him about the weirdness and seeing Andi and Jonah together, Jason doesn't hug him either. Because that's not what Cyrus needs, really - anyone can give a hug and a kiss and false words - that's basically what his mom and dad were. Anyone can pretend like they understand, pretend like they fit in someone else's misshapen shoes. The harder part is waiting for your feet to fit them in their own time, waiting for the time where the story of someone else seems no longer like a distant idea. Mendel's rubbed off on him. Jeez. 

 

"I just don't _know_ ," Cyrus says. "I mean, everyone's okay with it, Andi and Buffy are great about it, and I'm still freaking out. I'm not okay with all this, right now."

 

Jason knows that. Knows what it is to have something out of your control and broken apart and being pushed into another reality like it's nothing. It started the moment his parents sat him on the couch of their old house with the puke-green walls and said  _we're getting a divorce_ and Jason knew it was more than the fighting that leaked into his room at night. 

 

"Cyrus," he starts, and stops, because for all that crappy therapy and having Mendel as a kinda-sorta-maybe dad, he's not good with this. He's not good with shoving things back together. He's not playing the part of the supportive best friend because he  _isn't._ He's good at chess and bad at baseball and has a spidey-sense about freaking feelings and would rather read the rest of _Good_ _Omens_ than go to the movies. 

 

Jason looks at Cyrus' hands, fidgeting in his lap. 

 

"There's gonna be a part of you that's never gonna be alright, you know," he starts. "Not _the liking boys_ part. Everything else. You just got to-" he stops. 

 

Jason doesn't know how to finish it, not exactly. But before he says anything else, Cyrus gives him a little glance, and Jason shuts up. He's not sure what it is. 

 

"Hey," Cyrus says, and his voice is brighter. "We're going to the Spoon-" and Jason, unlike every other pre-teen in the town, hates the Spoon, but he goes along with it, because Cyrus is _trying_ \- "and you are spilling about Zoe in French. I see the way you look at her, you know. You can't hide, Jason Glazer-Weisenbachfeld!" 

 

He says the last part with so much gusto, but because of the stupid hyphenation, it comes out like a terrible punchline. It's awful, and Jason hates his parents for it. But he laughs at it, regardless, because it sounds so _awful_ that it's acceptable to do so. 

 

Jason stops when he realizes that Cyrus is staring at him weird. _Stupid freaking social cues-_

 

Only for him to laugh too - and then they're both laughing and it burns low and friendly, like they're on Cloud Nine, and right about to fall off. It teeters, but Jason and Cyrus don't stop laughing for a while. 

 

Jason doesn't really get looks or winks or the non-verbal stuff, not really. Again, probably because of screwed up parenting, but there's a growing part of him that suggests it's partially his own fault. Mendel causes it  _self-realization_ and _puberty._ His mom calls it the reason why he should have his bar-mitzvah months ago - and when it does happen, Jason makes it a point to know exactly what he wants so his parents can't possibly argue over the color scheme or something. 

 

He did suggest _not_ doing it, but well. That was another story. 

 

Cyrus is weird about looks. Jason knows this, and he's only a little bit jealous that Andi and Buffy know how to decipher an eyebrow wiggle or raise. It's not a test! So yeah, Jason doesn't get it. Fine. Over the years, he picks up stuff from Mendel, his dad, Whizzer, his mom, but it's all borrowed information anyway. His first serious girlfriend in high school had apparently broken up with him over the fact that she had wanted to go to prom with him but he didn't get the message. So maybe Jason doesn't get the cues. 

 

He's gotten by okay. 

 

Years pass. His name is still stupidly hyphenated and Jason vows when he gets married that he's going to legally change it even if his mom and dad bitch about it. Cyrus meets a basketball player and doesn't realize he falls for him until Buffy pokes him and says he's lovesick and stupid after TJ doesn't do a costume with him. It takes actual _years_ before Cyrus actually says anything to TJ about it, and then more  _years_ for anything to happen. It's like Whizzer and his dad in reverse. 

 

And years go by. There are anniversaries and Jason not understanding stuff and fights and more.

 

The week before they both leave to college, he and Cyrus throw around last names.They're all way too long and sound all bumpy and wrong. 

 

"You know," Jason says, musing about it all. "Maybe I'll keep it, yeah?"

 

"Yeah?" Cyrus says. "But your kids-"

 

"-will have to deal with my fucked up family history too. It's only relative." Jason makes it sound like a joke, but it's not, really. The truth is that his last names hold a lot more than syllables - they hold his mom telling him stories of her childhood in a feather soft voice, his dad ruffling his hair and giving him fond looks that aren't smiles but say a whole lot more. Even more, they hold Whizzer and Mendel, who  have been twined into the weird tree of their lives, but are somehow just as important. He and Cyrus started because of a question about his name.

 

His two last names are not his to give away, not anymore. 

 

"I think," Cyrus says, dipping his spoon into mint chip ice cream, "that you'll be alright in the long run, Jason."

 

Jason's not sure whether he believes him or not at the juncture, but Cyrus does, and maybe it's a little infectious. Maybe, now it's worth it to not look and not regret whatever happened already. There's a lot of things that have bloomed despite the fractures and the breaks and the times where it seemed like the world might crack into two. There's a lot of in-between that Jason's not thought about until now. 

 

He's not going to lie and say "okay." All he says, not thinking about his family for a moment, or his friends, just completely alone for one brilliant second is, "We won't know. I guess- I guess, you know, that's fine." 

 

Because it's fine not to know. It's fine to be uncertain when you've been so certain of everything else. Cyrus eats the last of his ice cream, and checks his phone. "Hey," he says, eyes wide. "You wanna play chess?"

 

Jason's out of practice. Still, he shrugs, says, "Alright."

 

A long time ago, he'd think about winning and all the moves he would do to beat Cyrus. But now, all Jason dares to think about, for the first time in a million years, is what comes after. And he smiles and it doesn't hurt. 

 


End file.
